He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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