Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
