Where is the hickey?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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