sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
