i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
