I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
