Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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