So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
