we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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