i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
