Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
