I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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