I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
