So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize