So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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