i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just had sex on a roof
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
