we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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