i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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