Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
