i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
