when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
