Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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