you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
