Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
