I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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