That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize