I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize