You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
