I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I faked an abortion last night.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
