Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
