I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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