So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize