I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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