Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
