You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
