can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize