so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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