Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize