We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
