I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
