I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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