So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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