'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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