you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
