if you like me you must not know who I am
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she told me i tasted like america
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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