whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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