I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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