All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize