I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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