Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
