i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
