So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
