Where is the hickey?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
