i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish i was in the wii world.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
