she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize