we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
