shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
