Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
is it fun? or sober?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
