"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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