Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
