....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
