Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
