An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Randomize
