nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
third nipple confirmed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
