so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
