Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
