you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
