im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
how does that bad decision feel?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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