I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
