It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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