Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
